Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
