Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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