so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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