he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I seem to have left my pride at pride
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
