Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
