i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She bit a glass in half.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
