ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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