No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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