well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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