I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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