The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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