is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This baby is an asshole
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
