he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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