she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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