If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
