Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
