So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sext me about skeletons
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
