Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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