i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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