Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just found a bag of teeth...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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