How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
