i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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