So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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