I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Someone signed my nipple.
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