It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
