every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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