It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
