Fine. I'll sleep in my office
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
