I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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