My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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