I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
