Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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