I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
