what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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