oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
