my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
