you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
