She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
