As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
