what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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