she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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