my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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