But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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