Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
