fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
