i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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