Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
