oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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