I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
