You really coming over, don't trick.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
