p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dicks are not precious.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
