He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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