Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
