Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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