After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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