i love accidental penises.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
