Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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