Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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