called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
