The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
