I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you win again, gameday.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
