I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
