Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
