I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
