uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
