My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
