i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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