i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
