Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
