ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Let's paint friendship bongs
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
