You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
