My nipple is on Facebook.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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