Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
