Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
