we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
