dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
