The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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