You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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