New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
