I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
