I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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