I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
