Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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