i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
