remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
