My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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