just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
